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Busy Busy

 Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote anything. And I haven't even been on in so long that I didn't give everyone the 5 questions from the meme. Whoops. I should go back and do that.

I don't even know how I could begin to give an update on everything that's happened, and I'm not sure I want to.

I was looking up at my bookshelf, and thinking, "Oh good book! I should reread, and then go find the others in that series and read them! Oh, and that one too! And that one! And that one! and...darn it. That was a good book too. I want to read themmmm!! But I don't have time." *sad face*. (There's no one around, I can make sad faces if I want to). I need more time to read! I would like to bring my books with me and read them, but I don't have the space to bring all of them. And I don't have much time. Boohoo. Why does life get in the way of books?

I was discussing the option of grad school yesterday with a friend.  She's a mechanical engineer (I think? or chemical?). Either way, we both said that there aren't many interesting options, job-wise, you can get with just a bachelor's. So that argues for going to grad school. Grad school just seems like it would take so much time...and then you have no money when you graduate. So how can you ever have a family? Obviously people do it...but right now it's daunting to look ahead at. That seems to be the best choice though. It's just daunting.

I'd forgotten what it feels like to write. It's relaxing.

Anyways, gotta run and do stuff. Bye!

5 question meme

The 5 questions meme. I was asked 5 questions, I answered. If you would like me to ask you 5 questions, please comment!

1. We're going to have adventures next year. What are your ideas?

ADVENTURES!! YAY!! (although, based on my horrible schedule, I don't know when these adventures will happen...oh well. Not thinking about that now). We need to hit up Barnes and Noble, definitely. Also, I want to do a dance party. Only we shouldn't invite people, because I don't know about you, but I don't really want to dance in front of other people. Um, can we have an intense food-inventing time? I think that would be fun. The only un-fun part of that is the cleanup.

2. How are you? (I haven't talked to you in what feels like ages.)
I'm good, overall.  I haven't posted on my livejournal in a while.  Things seem to be changing too quickly to write it all down.

3. What's something you feel like you've missed out on?
Um. Hm. That's a tough one. There are certainly things I've missed out on, but nothing that I'm particularly sad I missed out on. My life has led to where it is now, and I'm happy with where it is and the way things are heading.

4. What's your favourite flavour of ice cream?
Oh nooo. I can not answer this type of question. I like so many.  There's one I like called "Death by Chocolate", it's very good. I also like "Strawberry Cheesecake" and "Orange Creamsicle", oh and "Cookie Dough" and "Cookies and Cream", although I'm not sure that cookies and cream would be my favorite. Erm. Oh there was one flavor I used to love called "Blue Moon" but they only sold it at a dairy by my house that has since closed down. So, yeah, I can't decide haha.

5. If you had to switch majors, which would you choose?
Hm. If I had to switch but wanted to stay with the course of life I have now, I'd pick neuroscience. If I wanted science but a different field, I'd pick math. But not at this school haha. Finally, if I wanted something completely different, I'd go for a classics major.

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I haven't written in a while...

I've had both too much to say and not enough to say. There are times I don't want to write what I'm thinking...that's been going on for a long time. This post probably won't go into any detail. I'm still thinking.

Anyway...I don't know if I ever posted this on here, but whatever. So, one funny thing that David and I disagree on is the date of our anniversary. I say it's the 12th, when we first kissed and it became "official" (whatever that means, it wasn't on facebook until a few days after that lol), and he says it's the 5th, which is when we went out to a movie. Agree to disagree for now heehee. But that means, it's been 2 months we've been dating if we go by his day, and it will be 2 months this Friday if we go by my day. :O Time is going by quickly! He's coming to meet my parents over spring break, and then we're going to his house to celebrate his birthday and meet his parents. EEK. I am very very very nervous about both of those. I don't know which is more nerve-wracking, him meeting my parents or me meeting his. *deep breath* Yeah, I'm nervous. Woo.

I'm also nervously waiting to hear back from any internships that I applied to for the summer, and I've been looking over graduate schools. I don't know if I can do this. I don't know what else I would do, though. I'm pretty sure I know what I want to do in the end, but I'm very nervous about getting there. That's not what is forefront on my mind in terms of bad things, though. What is at the forefront is, in my opinion, much worse. Well, that would be obvious, wouldn't it, considering it's at the forefront? Duh. Anyways. I'm just stalling.

So, had some...hm. don't quite know how to phrase this. Last Wednesday, I got back from tap practice, which was horrible by the way lol, and found a voice message on my phone. Did not like what was in the message, in fact the first time I listened I hung up halfway and threw the phone across the room. I was...pretty mad at some of the implied and explicit things said. Anyways, I'm no longer friends with someone. On Saturday, that person seemed to accuse me of stealing something, which I hadn't. I'm still mad about that, I've never stolen anything. Well, that's not entirely true...technically I stole an apple and a glass of grape juice from the dining hall. But that's it. For real. So, this person implying that I stole something of hers made me really mad. And I was already mad at her. Not good. Whatever. I'm not going to let this get to me. Well, try not to. Blah.

I've got another friend that I don't know how to handle. I don't know what to say. To him, or on the subject.

So, onward! Worrisome news, then good news, then I think I'm done. Worrisome news: Tap dance is in about 2 or 3 weeks, and I don't know if my group is going to get the dance down. The teacher doesn't seem to like me anyways...lol she still doesn't know my name. Good news: Two manuscripts submitted! Yay!

So I think I'm done. Who knows when I'll write again. I've been thinking a lot, but I'm not sure I want to put it down on paper. Not even if I privatize it.

Good night all, have fun!!

I should read better

So I was going to try and make something new, and it called for sweet rice flour. I bought sweet rice. Bah. I should read better.

However, now I don't know what to make. I don't know if I can substitute it. I sort of doubt it, but I might try. Any suggestions?

They're BA-ACK!

It's good to have everyone back. :D Miss ya, Kes.

eek....writing

I'm getting freaked out by internship applications.  I have 3-ish complete? I think I'm just waiting for letters of rec for those three. But they say the transcripts didn't get to them yet, and Binghamton says they sent the transcripts weeks ago. I might just try to re-send the transcripts. What's really freaking me out is the question, "What are your career plans?" Uhhh....idk?? I feel like an idiot.  I know that almost nobody knows what they want to do. So why do you applications keep asking me?! Ahhh...I know I want to do research, and I want to do my OWN.  I don't want to spend my whole life answering other people's questions.  I love sitting in our weekly meetings, tossing ideas around about why the things we're seeing could be happening, coming up with new questions to further test the ideas...I love it! I'm weird, I know.  But I want to do this. I want to run my own experiments, not sit and analyze the data for somebody else's questions.  But getting down to the nitty-gritty of the "what do I want to do"...idk! *shrug* Something with the brain...figuring out how it works...hopefully not in academia (which isn't really what they want to hear, oh well...)...this question has been killing me for days.  The personal statement itself is bad enough. This is killer. Especially with my skills. Which need work. To be kind.  I tried looking up "cognitive neuroscience" because I think that is what it is called.  It doesn't tell you where to get a job, though. I don't really want to work in academia.

I don't want to complain about not knowing what to do with my life. Pretty much everyone is in the same boat.  These application questions though...they're making me nervous.

Have a good day!!

1st Week here

Hi! I'm in a good mood! yay! Spending time with Jen has been lots and lots of fun...even though we do write essays and worry about summer internships and stuff...but we're going through the same things so it's better than going through it alone.  We went and saw Sherlock Holmes with Joe and David. It was such a good movie, I recommend it to anyone. It had action, and mystery, and moved along at a good pace.  Also, the way they did the storyline in some parts was different from other movies, but it made sense, because it hearkened back to the books, and the way the books explained all the little details at the end, this would show how something happened that was different from what you thought.  I don't know if I'm explaining it well.  For anyone that saw the movie, I'm talking about the beggar scene.  I liked the whole movie!

Um..and so I mentioned that I saw the movie with Jen, Joe, and David. It wasn't a double date. But...I'm still happy. heehee. I hope something happens. He's a really nice guy, and he's funny, and...yeah. I'm going to stop talking now.

On a completely different tone, I'm worried about a friend.  But there's nothing I can do, he has to figure it out for himself. I'm listening to him and trying to help him, but he can't be well until he's over it, and he needs to accept things.  I know this, and yet I still wish I could get him to see reason.  I worry about him if I don't hear from him for a few days...although he's probably better off at home than here. I certainly hope so.

And now for something completely different: I'm looking forward to today. And this weekend. I don't have anything to look forward to for next week, but I have a feeling it will be good. I'm much much happier here than I am at home.  I think things will get better too, just simply because more people will come up.  I'm very glad Jen is here.  It would be very lonely and sad without her here.

There's more I could say, but I think I'll wait.  Have a good day everyone!!

The last of 2009

Today's the last day of 2009.  It's different from this time, last year.  Many many things happened.  I'm not sure how it's all impacted me, yet.  I'm also a bit surprised at what has happened.  People have surprised me, with their actions.  Not all have been bad surprises, far from...but still, when I think back, I think, "Wait, really? I wouldn't have seen that coming."  I still don't understand the motivations for actions...both my own and other people's.  I think that is what bothers me, and what keeps coming back to me when I "spect".  The inability to account for motivations...the fact that I can't understand my own.  My brother, this year, outwardly changed a great deal...but for most people I know, the changes are on the inside.  We don't grow too much anymore, at least in height. How much did we change on the inside? Personally...I feel like I changed more in 2008 than in 2009.  This year seemed almost to be a...a refining, a defining, of who I am and what I want to be and do.  There weren't big changes, but instead I think I took stock of what I had, and what I was going to do.  I wonder what 2010 will bring,  What changes will happen.  I wouldn't mind finding love haha...that'ssss....something that was missing.  Yes, I had and have wonderful friends that I love...as friends.  Yes, I found out that my friends are awesome, and that I can live without having a boyfriend...but I do miss the feeling of being that one person, and having one person who has a very special type of love, and that very special bond.  In 2008 I loved 2 people that way...so I guess it evens out.  Hm.  I think friendships have definitely become stronger. :D  Most, at least.  The important ones? (sorry...that's a bit mean).  I guess what I'm trying to say is, is that...Oh whatever i don't know.  My friends, I love you as friends. There. Done.  And now I'm going to sleep because it's late and I keep sneezing.  Good night!! Sweet dreams!! May 2010 be better than 2009, and may all your dreams come true! <3

Friends <3

I was thinking about something today, and it was in my mind not even 5 minutes ago, and now I can't remember it. Darn. Well, I think it went something like this: The past few days I've been feeling really upset, about nothing in particular, but the one thing that makes it better always is talking to people.  Not even talking about the feeling, just talking about anything with friends.  Also, I was reading mylifeisg tonight, and it's really good.  I don't know, but it just makes you feel happy inside.  Happiness is contagious. Anyway, I was just thinking that I'm really lucky to have you guys as friends. :D Thank you. Love all of you.

(yeah, I'm in a happy sappy mood. too bad).

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I had a long moment of complete happiness last night....I was only thinking of one thing and I was so very very happy!  heh I was literally jumping up and down and giggling with happiness.  It feels like it's been a long time since I felt like that. And then reality intruded. Funny how that happens.  The last few days have been really really good, however.  I saw a friend, and hopefully we'll hang out again soon, I bought and wrapped presents for people, I talked to another good friend for a while today, and some other good things happened. Combined with my super happiness last night, it's been really really good. I still have a lot of things to do.  And I'm still introspecting/intraspecting. Not as much, because even if I haven't figured it out, I've got other things to do and worry about.

good night everyone!